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"So you guys were very religious growing up?"

"Yes, very"

"I wouldn't have guessed it," I muttered I slapped a hand over hed

"Think about our namesakes--Matthew, Seth, Nathaniel All Biblical Our parents took us to church twice each Sunday Our uncle, not so much"

"Your parents," I mur Old enough to re to really understand I still don't think he understands He feels pain like no one I have ever known, and always has He's such an e hio on After a moment, he did

"I remember once ere on vacation in Maine and our father went into a cave, and he disappeared from view Matt" Nate smiled thinly "He plopped hiht our father was gone He was inconsolable, even when dad ca in his eyes and I could see--" Nate gestured to his eyes "--I could see that itinto the dark It was more than fear It was like a betrayal to hioodbye," I said quietly It was a line from The Silver Cord My favorite line

"Yes, exactly"

"Did he alant to be a writer?"

"Oh, I don't know He would say no He rarely talks about it, though I once heard hi is not writing" Nate chuckled "After he left graduate school, I thought he would be a drunk for the rest of his short life But he wrote--and the writing becaht

"Yeah, I see Thank you"

"You're welcome, of course Between the internet and The Silver Cord, it seems you know quite a bit aboutfor so to snoop into Matt's life in the anony next to his brother and discussing h, Hannah I know quite a bit about you and yours, too"

My stomach twisted How much did Nate kno much had Matt told him?

My panic must have been obvious, because Nate quickly added, "Matt spoke very well of you and your fahtly

That conversation set the tone for the rest of the trip Nate and I had reached an uneasy ca the obvious aardness of our adventure

I kept hoping Nate would volunteer his thoughts on why Matt was in such bad shape, but he didn't Maybe he didn't know Was it because of me? Was it because his cover was blown? Both? I didn't seriously think losing round

Nate's car, a silver Cadillac sedan, was parked at Newark

"I live near Trenton," he explained as we put our bags in the trunk "There are small airports between here and Geneva, but I looked into tickets and they'd really give you the run around--down to Florida, back up to Philly, over to New York--and even then you'd need to do soives us time to talk"

I clutched my backpack onsorowing dark, I becaly relieved it was Nate behind the wheel

"Oh, you'll get to drive We'll pick up your rental car e get to Geneva"

I glanced at reat tiht

"I don't think rental places are open that late"

Nate shook his head Thank god Nate was a ressively, but he kept his hawkish eyes on the road and his hands on the wheel

"I pulled a few strings, got the ency, after all"

I sazed out theSo Nate bribed hi I laid h life, snarling and slinging money at their problems

By the ti out the , I could justfarmland and fences

"Beautiful country," Nate told me "Very fertile Is this your first tirew up in Colorado"

"Well, I'er Lakes will be a, at least It's more of the same between here and there--lots of farh farmland didn't jive withto Nate's words

It's an eht person for this? What was I supposed to do?

We passed into New York and solanced at an to chatter Did I want to stop for food? No Did I need a cup of coffee? No Did I want the radio on, off? The heat? AC? He sped up

"I've got you set up at Geneva on the Lake You'll like it I got you a suite I'ave you"

"Yeah, briefly" I had also Googled the resort and then rapidly closed Firefox because I didn't want to think about howon me "You really didn't have to, I, or if there are hitches, anything at all, you call me I always have my phone And of course" He adjusted the rearview h his thick hair and druht away"

I watched the night outside otten used to Nate's calm persistent presence on the journey Maybe I didn't want a travel co abandoned in New York terrified me Abandoned with an unstable Matt, no less

Our ind romance aside, Matt and I barely knew one another

We were strangers Again Still

"Is--" I hesitated "I et settled in your roo I'one to see him?" I blurted

"Of course Yes, of course" Nate sht "More than once He's, you know I'm his oldest brother It's different I co hi, that anxious laugh--none of it was coerous, Hannah"

I felt so serous, that was easy for Nate to say Matt hadn't blasted Nate's life apart

"Is he suicidal?" I whispered