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Mae eased back on the bed, bringing hih she could read his thoughts "You aren’t just my easy outlet for implant-driven lust" Aif I said there wasn’t so to have to find another excuse this time
What’ll it be?" She paused to trail her lips down his neck "You don’t do second dates? I hold no appeal anys before, and I won’t this ti really convincing if you want to get out of this"
"I don’t want to," he said, voice ragged And it was the truth Her body was pressed to his, her eyes an endless sea of blue and green He wanted to give into this power that kept bringing theainst his, to lose himself in her, her and a world where there were no other political and godly complications Unfortunately, no matter how much he pretended, he wasn’t sure such a world existed
"I don’t want to," he repeated "But--"
"Then no buts," she said Despite the obvious passion burning through her, there was so canny in her eyes thatfor this conversation "I’’s going to change that, no ht and stay here with o to ht and et out from under all those secrets that burden you and tellme away And then we’ll ain,to for on a razor’s edge, and the easy thing, the thing he wanted most, was to junore it, no et, the memory of those words spoken in that fateful dream came back to haunt him, as they so always did: You’ll know her by a crown of stars and flowers, and then when you take her to your bed and claim her, you will swear your loyalty to me
The old panic seized him, and later, he would wonder if he would’ve felt differently if Hansen hadn’t called just before she arrived
Maybe if he hadn’t had that re loyalty to a god wouldn’t have h Justin’s haze of desire, an i around a congregation of other Hansens, forced to bring others to the fold and juod’s whims
Mae saw that fear in him when Justin broke away, and she tried to pull hi to tell you any lies," he said, struggling to sit up
"I’ll tell you the truth--as much as I can, at least"
She sat up with him, her hair tousled and cheeks flushed That alht him back to the bliss of her arms and her lips and the rest of her body And then those words resounded in his mind once more: When you take her to your bed and claim her, you will swear your loyalty to me
He clasped her hands in his, fearful even of the teaze squarely "Listen to ht-- what I said, the second date nonsense and all that--were lies Lies born out of both fear of any kind of real hus I’ll try to get to But here’s the truth There’s no one else for me but you I knew it in Panama, when I looked at you and the whole world stopped, but I was too foolish to acknowledge it then I don’t think I really, truly accepted it until ere in Arcadia, when I had to coain All those other flings I’ve had are just ashes in the wind, shattered and forgotten But youyou’re the real thing The fire that keeps burning in my life You’re the one There’s no one else I feel this connected to
And if I could do all those things, stay with you, hs on me, I would Believe me, Mae, I would But--"
"Justin--" She reached for his face, but he pushed her hand away
"No, listen As much as I want to--and believe er than both of us that don’t necessarily have our best interests at heart You said when you were out there you saw things that odswell, I’m still not sure And I can’t explain it, but if you and I are together, if we cross that physical line again, there will be consequences neither of us can change"
"So, what, then? No physical line?" she asked "Is that what you need?"
For a moment, he considered it Was it possiblea non-physical roested they’d be able to pull that off That wasn’t to say he wasn’t happy in just her presence
He was, and he didn’t want to lose thatbut he didn’t trust himself--or her, for that matter They’d slip one day, unable to resist, and he’d end up back in her arms and Odin’s service
"I don’t know I don’t think so, at least not until I know more," he said at last
Mae was quiet for several s to me? How can you tell me you want ether?"
"I can only iine how it sounds," he admitted
"No," she said "I don’t think you can What else is there? What else aren’t you telling od picked out formyself to you binds me to him
He could’ve spoken those words, andwas, Justin was afraid she wouldn’t understand, that she would tell hiod orth the price of their happiness And looking at her now, at that lovely face and eyes filled with affection, Justin wondered if hewith her
"I can’t tell you yet," he said, releasing her hands "I would if I could If we could be together, if there were an easy way, I swear it, Mae--I would But I can’t right now I’m sorry"
"Justin--" The hurt in her voice ht have said was cut off when he heard a sound at the door
It was mostly closed, but someone pushed it open now, and he heard Rufus say, "Praetorian Koskinen? Are you--oh" The man appeared in the doorway, i and took a step back "I’m sorry I--"
"No" Mae stood up from the bed and ran a hasty hand over her eyes "It’s okay I was just leaving Is so?"
Rufus still looked deeply flustered "No, oodbye I don’t know if Dr March told you, but I’ht"
"No," said Mae stiffly "He’s told ht--but not that Co ready anyway"
Justin thought she’d leave without another glance, but she paused in the doorway and looked back, her heart in her eyes One word, Justin thought One word, and she’ll coave a nod of farewell "Have fun tonight"